


Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Purchase

by Abhorsen44



Category: Firefly
Genre: Dinosaurs, F/M, Firefly References, IN SPACE!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7069450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abhorsen44/pseuds/Abhorsen44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where did Wash get those dinosaur toys? Where do you even get dinosaur toys in space??</p>
            </blockquote>





	Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Purchase

**Author's Note:**

> I was staring at all of the dinosaur toys on my desk at work and suddenly wondered where the heck Wash had gotten hold of the ones from the pilot.

“I must have it,” Wash spoke reverently. 

“No.” Zoe said without even looking over. 

“Yessssssss,” said Wash, placing his hands carefully over the glass case. 

They were headed towards Maidenhead bar on Beaumonte world, Mal meeting them there for a celebratory pint or five after a job well done (“Please”, snorted Zoe, “you half-assed that grab and if Wash hadn’t blown something we wouldn’t have made it past the dock.” “All the more reason for a drink, then.” “Only if you’re buying.”). Zoe had managed to wrangle Wash all the way to the market sector before he got distracted. 

Wash knelt down beside the glass case. “You are joking,” said Zoe, hopelessly. 

“Mine.” Wash’s breath fogged the glass. 

Zoe glanced at the case and winced at the price. “It’s plastic. You can get six of them for half the credits at the floating market.”

“MINE,” Wash insisted, not budging when Zoe nudged him. Zoe watched the stall owner’s eyes light up as he eagerly hurried towards them. “At least haggle, you oversized child,” she said. 

Wash and the owner launched into a spirited discussion that included the phrases “genuine old-world design” and “sharp, pointy teeth meant for rending flesh” while Zoe rolled her eyes and typed out a quick message to Mal that they were going to be slightly late. Before she could send it she received an incoming picture from Mal. It was a selfie, a blurry selfie, but clear enough that Zoe could see Mal punching someone and a chair flying in the background. 

“Shit,” Zoe said calmly, startling the stall owner as she flung herself into a flat-out run. Racing through the market towards the bar Zoe knew that Wash would be right behind her. “I’ll be back!” she heard Wash shout as he followed her. 

 

\-----

 

Wash was late. The three of them had separated after the bar fight had escalated into a man-hunt and the authorities got involved. 

“We need to go, Mal,” Zoe said. 

“Not without my pilot,” Mal replied, cradling a stolen beer. 

Zoe checked the screen. “Captain. They are two holds away and searching everyone, we are not going to make it off planet if we don’t leave now. We can set down outside town in a day or two and pick him up.”

“Never knew you were so keen to leave him,” Mal said with a raised eyebrow, “Trouble in paradise?”

“Paradise is just fine, thank you very much,” Zoe said, deliberately elbowing Mal in the side that she knew had gotten punched earlier, “But I can’t have sex with my husband in jail.”

“Ew. Ew, ew, gross, no. You are mean. And overshare.” Mal began the startup sequence just as Zoe saw a figure duck into the warehouse where they were berthed. Zoe slapped the ramp close switch, knowing Wash would have to run to make it, and headed towards the hold. Mal giggled behind her; “Don’t damage my pilot!”

“You don’t’ need legs to fly,” Zoe yelled back. 

Wash met her in the hallway, out of breath and looking sheepish. “Hi, there, beautif-OOF.” Zoe followed the punch in the stomach with a quick kiss. 

“What are the rules?” she asked, wrapping an arm around him and holding onto the railing as Mal began takeoff. 

“Why is Mal flying my baby?” Wash whined.

“Because someone was late and didn’t let me know they were going to be late and BROKE RULE NUMBER FOUR.”

Kiss.

“I’m still mad.”

Another kiss. 

 

\-----

 

After the ship had stabilized (“Mal really needs to learn how to take off without that side spin, man, I feel like I’m gonna barf.”) Zoe and Wash made their way to the front. Wash shooed Mal out of his seat while Zoe shrugged out of her jacket and checked navigation. 

“There. Perfect,” Zoe heard Wash say. She turned and saw a plastic red dinosaur placed in the exact center of the console. Zoe felt slightly off-balance as blood rushed to her head and she started shaking in rage. 

“You. You.” 

Wash turned, puppy-dog face hopeful until he saw her expression.

“YOU 狗操的 狒狒的屁眼!” Zoe didn’t know whether she was going to kill him or explode. Wash, her beloved Wash, had apparently decided it was more important to procure a tacky novelty rather than show up to a rendezvous on time, potentially putting himself, her ship, her captain, and herself at serious risk. Wash never seemed to understand the consequences of his actions, but this time, this time…. 

Wash grabbed the dinosaur and bobbled it at her. “Rawr,” he said weakly. Zoe huffed out a breath and draped her jacket over his head. “Idiot,” she said, turning back towards the cargo hold. She was going to find something heavy to throw around until she felt better. 

Wash was lucky he was such an adorable dork. 

 

\----- [many days later]

 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEE!” Wash finished proudly. 

“It is customary to pick a key, dear,” said Zoe fondly. 

“If I have to sing Happy Birthday to myself I shall do it in however many keys I wish,” he said, “Unless…?”

“No.”

Wash let out a small whine. 

“I do not sing.”

Wash pouted. 

“I do, however, give birthday gifts, but only to husbands who aren’t whiny.”

Wash immediately perked up, “Mine?”

“It’s in the cockpit.” Wash was out of the room before Zoe had even finished the sentence. She followed behind him at a leisurely pace, smiling when she heard a high-pitched shriek of excitement coming from the front. When she reached the cockpit she was only slightly alarmed to see Wash flat on his back, arms in the air, red plastic t-rex in one hand and a green dinosaur with a bow on it clutched in the other. 

“Why do I love you?” she asked, amused. 

“I don’t know, sounds like a personal problem,” Wash replied, letting out a fiendish RAWR as he made the dinosaurs fight. Zoe watched for a few moments before Wash gently reached out an arm to hook her ankle and drag her to the floor with him. 

Poor Mal was traumatized when he stumbled across them a few minutes later, and was seen running towards the engine room shouting, “RULE NUMBER EIGHT NOT IN THE COMMON ROOMS GORRAM IT.”


End file.
